A moment of self-reflection: in starting this blog, my hope was to figure a few things out about myself. I had been silent for so long that the lines between conviction and regret were super blurry. Communication and reaction were identical twins. Friends were enemies and love turned into labor. I knew I had to do something.
Many of you have reached out in the most encouraging ways and I am forever grateful for your love and care. Interestingly enough though, that same outpouring of support has tempted me to daily shift the scope of this blog - to make it more readable and relatable. But I won't - because I must stay connected to the reason I set out to do this in the first place: to explain who Jason Ostrander is.
I am convicted.
Gonna stay the course...
The concept of conviction is an interesting one. In one sense it connotes a declaration of guilt. In another sense it means fixing oneself to a firm belief. There seems to be a very thin difference between the two and the narrow delineation has stymied me. It's two sides of the same coin.
I've spent the later part of my life trying to decipher which conviction will define me. Like a painter holding up color samples to a wall I am regularly employed by the need to determine proper likeness. To what end though? Why should such a determination be valuable?
It's valuable because conviction (in any sense) carries a substantial amount of weight. It is not easily ignored. Convicted people don't play nicely with routine. Conviction can keep you from danger, and it can also throw you in harm's way.
I'm not totally convinced that in life you can have the one side of conviction without the other.